Paul in his letter to Ephesus church outlined the “Instructions for Christian Living” that has the secrets of a Good family. The family definition of Paul limits to Husband and Wife here. As that’s the first family God created. This writing is a continuation to the writing of “Good Family Secrets “
Oneness in Family - “members of his body”
A Good family will need to have a one-ness of Spirit, how can a husband and wife, kids of family be one ? answer to that is found in Ephesians 5:30 (NIV) 'for we are members of his body. '
Like how a son / daughter would ask the earthly parent on things before they do any work, Once we are born again, as sons & daughters of Christ we will seek his will before we do any work in the family.
There will be no oneness in family, unless you are born again and regard Christ as the head of your family.
Oneness comes from the Christ’s Love thats given to us after we regard him as the head of the family. By nature humans are selfish, we care about our own self than any others, we need to be treated well than the other partner. With Christ spirit the selfish spirit is broken from us to give the love between husband and wife, if you see a family living in oneness it comes from Christ’s blessing.
Satan is a divider of family, he does not want families united as he works against the will of God. He finds means to break the family, break the oneness of family by giving our selfish nature into action so that the will of God is spoiled by their separation.
Oneness in Family - “one flesh.”
Ephesians 5:31 (NIV) '“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” '
Another important Family secret is revealed in Ephesians 5:31. Most families get ruined as they don’t follow this verse or apply this in practical living.
1) Wife is created for man -
God created woman as he found man cannot be alone. We read the genealogy how he created woman, he created when Adam was asleep, She is named “Woman” as she was take out of man
Genesis 2:18 'The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” '
Genesis 2:20-22 'So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. '
After Eve was deceived by serpent, God cursed the serpent and Eve to give this,- a husband will rule over his wife
Genesis 3:16. (NIV) 'To the woman he said, “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” '
God created wife as a help and build the family - “with painful labor you will give birth to children”
Wife is created for man and he will rule her - “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” this is no means a male cheviots statement, its God’s word, it cannot be added or subtracted. What is written is for generations to generations to come..
2) Man will leave his father and mother
Ephesians 5:31 (NIV) '“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother..”
Most families forget this important instruction, As a Family you bear child (son or daughter), they are son or daughter only until they are under the control of father and mother. Once they are married “a man will leave his father and mother”
The word does not say, leave father and go with mother or leave mother and go with father, the word is clear with a emphasis on “and” - “will leave his father and mother”
Leave here is not a sense to desert both father and mother - Leave here is to let go of their dependence on them as they took care of you. They know what you like / what you eat, what you wear etc.. But once you are married you have to leave all dependence on Father and mother.
Leave here means does not disrespect father and mother, As a son / daughter you are to care for them. But you cannot depend on them to run your family..
Most family issues arise as there is too much external interference or dependence from Father and / or Mother on how the son’s family or daughters family has to run. Some may say its out of love that we instruct. Thats a lie Satan is using to break the oneness of family.
Christ is the head of the family, he will take care of the husband and wife to run their family, there is no necessity for a father and mother to intervene and instruct how to run family.
Once you are married the family now is you and your wife.
People (Extended family & Friends) can advice / instruct etc.. but the husband is like head of Chruch, he decides what pleases his father and obeys according to his instructions. Like wise you obey as per what God instructed you to do. Not based on what your earthly father / mother asks to do.
All family matters has to stay with husband / wife and God Father (who is the head of family).
Examine to see whether you are united as husband and wife or does your family gives instruction (you take from your father / mother) - if you do, you are in disobedient of God’s command.
3) One Flesh -
Ephesians 5:31 (NIV) '“.. the two will become one flesh.” '
One Flesh - Symbolises the Oneness of Body / Soul between husband and wife
Paul’s teaching is echoed in Genesis 2:23-24 'The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
As man unites with his wife - Here the word means uniting in body / soul / spirit, its similar to how we are united with Christ after we are born again. We unite and worship God in trinity (Father / Son and Spirit) as one body
Jesus said these words on how they become one flesh. Mark 10:6-9 (NIV) '“But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” '
Once you have they become one flesh, the oneness in them comes from God’s action of joining them as husband and wife from their prior state of son and daughter.
The word says “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate”, This is why marriage is a solemn act that we do in front of God.
God made them one so that as a family they multiply and fulfill God’s will in their life.
We have to have that physical living of one body and one flesh in each of their desires as well. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 'The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. '
Once the one flesh is understood between husband and wife in spiritual sense and physical sense, there cannot be any room for Adultery outside marriage. There cannot be any room for lust of eyes to look out for another man or woman. You will not violate God’s command.
Remember Satan is here to break this oneness (spiritually and physically) and make you feel you are separate as man and woman even after you are married, he can show examples of other unbelieving people living together happy, he can show people with adultery living happy, the examples are countless as he is the ruler of the world, you cannot defend him as he is a liar. Only the word of God is the defence for you
If you are serious to have a oneness to come into your family ,follow God’s word. Do not look outside. Look inward to God and your family, cut out all the external dependence thats causing the oneness to suffer (friends / father and mother or any external relationship). Only the dependence on Christ as head of Family and reverence in Christ can break satan’s tricks.
Actions to examine and correct
Is there oneness in Family ? if not, examine if Christ is the head of your family ?
Is both Husband and wife “members of his body” - They cannot be in his body if they don’t walk in light and obey the teachings of Christ.
Do you live as husband or Son of parent even after married ?
Do you live as wife or Daughter of parent even after married ?
How much of your family matters are known to others ? its a simple test to see your oneness.
How much external interference is there in your family ? if you do, you are in disobedient of God’s command
Pray like Job (he had 10 Kids (7 Sons and 3 Daughters)) but he prays for not having a lustful look at young woman Job 31:1 (NIV) '“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman. ' this prayers will be answered only when we have the oneness with God and Oneness in Family.
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